


take me to the paradise in your eyes

by pleasydeasy



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, both bucky and steve have ptsd but its not a big part of the story, but idk its cute, i don't really think there's a plot, just domestic stucky really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 02:54:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6405862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasydeasy/pseuds/pleasydeasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can’t believe how lucky he is.	</p>
<p>So many people on this earth, and Steve is his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	take me to the paradise in your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> title from American Money by Børns

«I have to go on a mission » he says. 

Steve looks up from tying his shoes. «What? Why?» He looks confused, and annoyed, like he can’t believe S.H.I.E.L.D would make Bucky go on a mission after everything that’s happened. Bucky sighs internally. He doesn’t understand either.

«I don’t know, I guess they trust me.» He smiles bitterly. «Finally.»  
«But…» Steve furrows his eyebrows. «I thought they’d leave you alone now? You’ve been through enough, you shouldn’t have to-,»  
«But I do,» Bucky cuts him off. «I’ve been on the bad side, Steve, there’s no coming around it. I have to go on this mission to prove that I ain’t there anymore.» He looks down and lets out his breath. «I’ll come back.» He looks back up, into Steve’s blue eyes. «I promise.» 

Steve looks defeated and worried. Bucky hates that he is the cause of that look, he hates this whole thing. He has to take a deep breath before turning to find his gun and the rest of his ammunition. Though he hasn’t really lived at Steve’s for that long, he has some weapons there. He hates them, he hates looking at them, even knowing that they are there, and he doesn’t understand how Steve can trust him so much. So many things weigh him down.  
But then again, he’d forgive Steve anything.

Steve has taken his shoes off now, and he’s leaning against the counter, watching him, and once again Bucky is struck by how even though it’s been seventy years, he’s still the same. Or, at least he’s kept his spirit, his gentle, innocent love and Bucky doesn't want to leave him. He closes his eyes and tries to find the soldier in himself. It doesn’t work, but he wills himself to walk to the door anyway. Steve follows him. 

The cold air flows through the house when he opens the door. Steve grabs his arm when he’s about to walk out. He meets his look.  
«Just… Just be safe, okay?» he says, it’s almost a whisper. Bucky stares at his lips, then his eyes, then nods slowly. Steve lets go and the wind makes the door slam behind him.  
Bucky looks up to the sky. It’s somewhere between blue and grey and he can’t help but think that Steve’s eyes are so much brighter. And then he looks down at the gun in his hand.

And he realizes, he doesn’t care about S.H.I.E.L.D. He doesn’t care about these weapons, or The Winter Soldier, but he fucking loves Steve. And even though he's lived for a hundred years, life is too goddamn short and he’s waited too long for this. 

Steve turns when the door opens and the next moment Bucky is kissing him. They’ve never done this before and yet Steve responds immediately. Bucky gets the feeling that Steve’s been waiting for this as long as he has, and he pushes him against the wall while Steve’s hands are in his hair. It feels pretty damn good. 

They stumble somewhere, over to the couch, maybe (Bucky is too busy running his hands hands all over Steve’s chest), and suddenly he’s on top of Steve, and he’s shirtless, which is pretty impressive seeing as he was wearing his uniform, where shirt and pants are attached. 

He’s distracted by Steve’s eyes (again, they always seem to take his attention) and the way they darken as his look glides down Bucky’s chest. 'He’s so goddamn hot' is all he can think before Steve pulls him down and kisses him again, harder than before. Bucky runs his fingers through his hair, which is incredibly soft, so he does it again, and again and again, and Steve is definitely making a hickey on his neck right now. 

He meets Steve’s eyes as he rips his shirt open and feels a warm rush of love run through him. The feeling reflects in Steve’s eyes.

———————————————————————————————————————————

 

Bucky wakes up on the floor next morning. 

It would be offensive, but Steve is lying beside him, so it’s okay.  
(Not really beside him, more like on him, with their feet tangled together.)

He still snores, just like before, Bucky notices. He smiles and runs his fingers down Steve’s arms, before yawning and stretching (or trying to, it’s not easy with a super soldier on top of you).  
Steve half-opens his eyes and mumbles something. Bucky smiles and wriggles his way out of the tangle, and Steve shudders and whines out a complaint.  
«Com’on, you sleepyhead,» Bucky says and gets up. Steve props himself up on his elbows. «Where ‘ya going?» he says groggily. «‘M cold.» 

Bucky laughs and pushes Steve with his toes, before turning and heading towards the bathroom. «You gonna join me in the shower or what?» he shouts over his shoulder. 

He’s barely turned on the shower before Steve comes in. Bucky raises his eyebrows. «You got up?» Steve shrugs and stands under the water. 

They spend the shower putting shampoo in each others hair, and when Steve starts soaping Bucky in, it’s all they can take. The hot water is long gone before they stumble out, completely exhausted. 

 

———————————————————————————————————————————

 

Bucky can’t keep his hands off Steve. Whether it’s a hand on his chest, cheek, arm or leg, it’s always there. He did touch him a lot before, but now it feels different. It feels like he’s finally allowed to make it different. 

 

———————————————————————————————————————————

 

They go to the Stark Tower, because Bucky has to explain why he didn’t show up yesterday, and he wants to tell S.H.I.E.L.D that he isn’t going to work for them. He’s done being a soldier. 

The others notice, of course. Steve doesn’t let go of his hand, and his hickeys are definitely still visible, but Bucky doesn’t care and no one makes a big deal about it. Natasha just smiles like she’s known this forever and Tony makes a joke that Steve actually snorts at, but when the others get over the first shock, everything is normal. Clint goes to experience in the kitchen. Thor wants to watch. 

He tells Natasha his excuse for not showing up, and that he doesn’t want to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. She understands (of course she does) and promises to tell Fury. Bucky feels like a giant weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

 

———————————————————————————————————————————

 

He can’t believe how lucky he is.  
So many people on this earth, and Steve is his.

———————————————————————————————————————————

 

Tony has made it his job to really introduce Steve and Bucky to the future. He’s given them all kinds electronic things (Steve gets the same confused look every time), and goes through the culture in America, one thing at a time. Right now it’s books. 

Bucky likes books, always has. Steve used to read more than he did, but that was mostly because Bucky spent his teenage years dancing and flirting with the dames. Now there aren't any dames for him, and 21st century literature is actually pretty great. So he reads a lot. 

He has a feeling that Harry Potter is a children’s series, and that Tony gave it to him as a joke, but he’s in the middle of Goblet of Fire and he’s already obsessed. Oh well. 

Steve’s away on missions a lot, because he’s Captain America and Bucky feels bad for him every time he has to get out of bed at 7 AM because some old lady is getting robbed or the Avengers have run out of milk. He also misses Steve’s big body and the warmth in their bed. It’s always colder without Steve. 

But he does have his book, and he is determined to finish it by the evening. He knows something’s up with Voldemort and he’s going to find out what.  
He pulls out his book from somewhere under the covers, because when Steve got home last night, shirtless, it was kind of hard to continue reading. 

 

Turns out he was right, Voldemort was up to something. Cursing the goddamn teachers of Hogwarts, Bucky pulls up the next book and is about to open it when Steve comes in, his hair wet from the shower. He looks completely exhausted.  
«Hard fight, huh?» Bucky says sympathetically. Steve just closes his eyes and throws away the towel he had around his shoulders. Bucky lifts his arm, the human one, so he can crawl under it and put his head on Bucky’s chest. He falls asleep in seconds, and Bucky spends a good twenty minutes just watching him sleep. 

Jesus, he’s so in love, it’s pathetic.  
He shrugs to himself.  
There are worse things. 

 

———————————————————————————————————————————

 

Bucky jolts awake in the middle of the night, heart rushing with the sound of screams in his ears. It’s not an uncommon thing, him waking up with nightmares, but he gets just as panicked every time he wakes up and can’t breathe. He inhales sharply and tries to focus on his surroundings. Closet, chair, nightstand. Steve’s room. He’s in Steve’s room, completely safe. 

He doesn’t want to wake Steve, who had a nightmare yesterday and needs all the sleep he can get. But the fear doesn’t go away, and he still can’t breathe properly. Frustrated, he clutches his arms around himself and tries to stop the gasping, as quietly as possible. It doesn’t really work, he just becomes more aware of the pictures and memories in his mind, all the things he doesn’t want to remember. 

Before, when he’d just come home after Hydra, he’d lose it after nightmares. He’d scream for hours, or it would go frighteningly long before he remembered who and where he was. Sometimes he’d attack Steve. (He tries not to think about that too much, because when he does for too long, he gets panic attacks or goes completely into lockdown mode.) Now though, he only starts when he feels a warm hand taking his, rubbing it carefully. Steve’s blue eyes meets his own in the dark room and he knows Steve is waiting for him to calm down enough to pull him close. He focuses on his the fear pressing his chest, on his limits. 

Finally he nods and Steve immediately pulls him to his chest, hugging him tightly. When he lays like this, he can hear the steady heartbeat underneath him, and Steve’s familiar voice murmuring in by his ear. He doesn’t sleep more that night, but Steve does, and he lets himself rest with him. 

 

———————————————————————————————————————————

 

He finally takes up Pepper’s offer on a therapist. Steve beams when he tells him, and Bucky knows how happy he is about him being able to do this, alone, even. 

He only hopes that one day, Steve will let himself do the same. But for now, he’s got Bucky. 

 

———————————————————————————————————————————

 

«My life is done.» Bucky stares down on the cover of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. «What am I going to do now?»

Steve stirs from his sleep and blinks at him with groggy eyes. «Whassat?» he says. Bucky looks up with empty eyes. 

«It’s done. No more books, no more Harry Potter!» he whispers and clings his book to his chest. «What do I do?»

Steve scrunches his eyebrows and looks exceptionally cute, and Bucky might would have been distracted by that hadn’t it been for Harry goddamn Potter.  
His chest physically hurts. 

«It’s 2 am, Buck, why are you still awake?»

«I had to finish it!» Bucky waves his book in Steve’s face. «It was in the middle of the war, and he was gonna die, Steve. Die!» Steve raises his eyebrows, pulls Bucky to his chest. With half-closed eyes, he strokes Bucky’s hair. «Well, he didn’t die, did he?» 

Bucky wrinkles his nose. «I won’t tell you that, that’s a spoiler! It’ll be no fun when you read it!» 

«When I what, now?» Bucky can tell that Steve is already half asleep.

«Oh, you’re gonna read it, Steve.» 

«‘Kay.» The word is barely a whisper before Steve is out like a light. 

 

———————————————————————————————————————————

 

«Jesus, Buck,» Steve pants and pulls Bucky’s shirt over his head. Bucky glances up and dives in to kiss him again, pushing him against the wall. 

Apparently it’s very possible to get turned on by fighting (or by watching the guy you love fight). Bucky doesn’t even blame himself, because everybody knows that Steve is incredibly hot and fights like it’s a dance. They barely made it inside Steve’s apartment before he was slammed against the wall. It cracked. Bucky wasn’t that sorry. 

And he also can’t think about that right now, because Steve is kissing his neck and holy shit is it supposed to be this good? With his memory loss he forgot a lot of things, and this, these feelings surprise him every time. Not that he’s complaining. Of course not. 

Bucky’s got Steve close to him now, and he’s pulling back. He’s got Steve close to him and jesus, he’s a fucking miracle. Bright eyes and red cheeks (and they never get red, not like this). Bucky lets his fingers glide, ever so lightly, over one of his scars, one that hasn’t healed yet. Steve reaches up and rests his palm against his chest, like he’s feeling his heartbeat. Suddenly everything is slow and tender and they both have enormous strength but easy touches. 

And then Steve buries his hands in Bucky’s hair and kisses him with aching emotions, pushing his whole body against him and letting go of all his strength. Bucky takes it. He pushes back, gives him everything and they’re breathing, panting, alive. 

(How much is it possible to love someone?)

«I love you,» Steve says. Kisses him. «I love you.»  
Bucky exhales shakily and presses his mouth all over Steve’s face. 

(That much.)

**Author's Note:**

> i’m glad i managed to post this before civil war comes out and we’re all dead of dehydration because of the amount of crying we’ve done:)
> 
> and by the way, i’m on bucky’s side when it comes to harry potter. it’s fucking brilliant. 
> 
> reviews are welcome!


End file.
